


SHE KNEW

by sfmpco



Series: HE KNEW, SHE KNEW, THEY KNEW [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Sherlolly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8367529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sfmpco/pseuds/sfmpco
Summary: She knows he knows her secret.





	

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: The shorts that I write are within the canon of the books I have written. The first miscarriage is dealt with in THE BLACKBIRD SINGS AGAIN and the second in THE BLACKBIRD AND THE MULTIFARIOUS QUILL.
> 
> This is the counterpoint to HE KNEW.

 

She knew from the moment that she left for work that day that he knew she was pregnant, and yet he had strangely said nothing, which was totally unlike him.  After all, he had practically blurted out Mary’s pregnancy at Mary and John’s reception having subconsciously picked up the subtle clues that John had missed.  Was he waiting on her to reveal it?

She had wanted to tell him that morning, but somehow their conversation descended into an argument.  Normally his need to always be right was something she had learned to accept simply because he usually was right, but on this morning he had ingratiatingly seemed like a know-it-all, and she hated it when he came off that way.  It was as if he always had to prove himself superior, even over her.  It wasn’t at all endearing but annoying and offensive, and she had told him so.  _Narcissist._   The word had left her lips before she could stop it, but the fact that she said it at all was proof she had thought it for some time. 

Perhaps her quick rise to anger had been the clue that she was hormonally different.  Surely he had picked up on the fact that she was late.  He seemed to know her monthly cycle better than she did.  That was also annoying.  Why couldn’t he just be like so many other British men and be embarrassed to purchase her feminine supplies.  No!  He was glad to do it and insisted there was no shame in it!  He always made certain she was well-stocked.  They even had several home pregnancy tests, but she had not used one. She had been determined not to leave him that clue.  Instead she chose to find out on her own at work. 

She would love to have had the opportunity to quietly surprise him, maybe with a greeting card that read “Happy Father’s Day” although they were no where near that actual day on the calendar.  Perhaps some little gift that would reveal the secret, but she was married to Sherlock Holmes, and there was no point in trying to keep any kind of secret.  He was always putting together information, even unconsciously.  It was one of his extraordinary gifts, and he couldn’t simply turn it off like a tap.

 _So he knew._ It was slightly annoying, but now she had to move forward.  It wasn’t as if they had never discussed having children, especially after having two miscarriages before they were married.  She had managed to get to twenty weeks with the first pregnancy before losing their little son.  Because their relationship had been so new and because he had been away for most of those twenty weeks, he had not even known, nor had she told him for fear it would sever their fragile relationship.  She knew he had never really considered fatherhood, and although he had been moved by the loss, he had said it was for the best.  The second miscarriage was a pregnancy that had taken them both a bit by surprise, and it ended within the early part of her first trimester.  That time he was with her, but again there was a sense that he was emotionally detached from what could have been.

Certainly there was no problem with fertility between them, and tests she had undergone after the marriage had not revealed any significant reason why she had miscarried twice.  _Bad timing, perhaps._   In the over two years since the first miscarriage, however, she had felt and seen his heart gradually warm to the idea of being a father.  She had seen him bond with his young niece, but he still had his inner doubts and demons about his ability to be a father, especially with his temperament, gifts, and professional background. She knew he doubted himself although she also knew from their intimate conversations that there was a part of him that wanted that option of a family, the normalcy of fatherhood that other men experienced.

Whatever fears she knew he had, however, she had her own.  With two miscarriages already, she wondered if she could carry this new one to term.  She knew she wouldn’t begin to feel “safe” until she had passed the midway mark of twenty weeks.  That’s the longest she had been pregnant.  That baby had been too preemie to save, but a few more weeks and he would have been very small but viable with medical help.  Of course she wanted to carry to full term, but to make it past twenty weeks was her first goal.  As she was only within the first month of her first trimester, however, twenty weeks seemed far away.  Anything could happen in the meantime, and she was terrified that it would.  That made her cry instantly. What should have been a joyous time was one of reliving the emotional pain of two losses.  She put her hand over her flat belly. _Stay, little one.  Make yourself at home.  Bond with your environment.  Don’t be in a rush.  Your Daddy and I want you to be strong and healthy._

 _Your Daddy._ That thought made her smile, and she wiped back her tears.  _Your Daddy may be a narcissist, but he’s my narcissist, and I love him, and he’s going to love and protect you more than he can imagine._ That, at least, is what she believed of Sherlock Holmes, but then she always believed more of him than he believed of himself. 

 _And right now he’s probably spinning out of control._   Emotions were not his forte although he had become more sensitive and in tune with hers, even if he was sometimes still a complete arse, like that morning.  But had she pushed his proverbial buttons harder than before?  She had a small tinge of regret for calling him a narcissist, even if it was true.  He had at least shown restraint by not slinging anything verbal back at her.  Perhaps because he was beginning to put together the pieces that she was pregnant?  She didn’t know when he figured it out, but she knew he knew, and it was time to calm him down about it.  She picked up her cell phone and texted him.

THERE’S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU, BUT I KNOW YOU ALREADY KNOW.  BUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T KNOW IS THAT YOU’LL BE GREAT.  XXX MH

YOU’RE RIGHT. I DO KNOW. AND THANK YOU.  YOU’LL BE GREAT TOO. X.  SH

 


End file.
